...well if that side wins the bidding of course. Amber will be participating in the St. Baldricks tradition of shave/no shave fund raising for childhood cancer research.

Want to make a donation and see how Amber will look bald or do you want to see her keep her hair and still help raise funds for the cause? Simply go here [link] and drop a few bucks into the donation bag.

....what does it take for you to realize something has to change.

Well all I have to do is look at family, friends, loved ones and well my art and see how much all of it is being strained or totally ignored. Having your girlfriend, one of your best friends and well even your Ex-wife tell you to get your head out of your ass also helps a LOT.

I feel very numb, blank inside and it just keeps getting worse.

When your an asshole, your an asshole, which is something we all are at times, for some of us though it is part of our personality. Others call it being passionate or quirky or even opinionated...all cover words for, he can be a real asshole at times

Add to that being in pain non-stop and the fact you are ingesting enough Vicodin in one day that would even put someone like House in a coma (yes I know he is not real, but he does take HALF the dosage per pill that I do four times a day).

This only leads to enhance your assholishness, not create it though, it was already there but you just lose that filter everyone else has when you are in this void.

Do not give me any, it will be alright speeches or a single bit of sympathy, that is not what I want and sure as hell do not need. This has been a long time coming and something that has truly been on my mind for months.

Tomorrow I am calling Dr. Hilaly and telling her the pills stop. It has been to long and they are not helping me anyway, only adding to my internal numbness.

It is something I think I really need to do, but it does scare the hell out of me, but I would rather be human and in pain than lose the things that make life worth fighting through every ounce of pain the gods can throw at me.

Otep posted this on her Facebook page and I just had to share it with everyone.

....Just reading this made me tear up..

Video and quote are from Philip Spooner an 86yr old American hero and someone that demands a tremendous amount of respect in my book.

_{I am here today because of a conversation I had last June when I was
voting. A woman at my polling place asked me, "Do you believe in equal,
equality for gay and lesbian people?" I was pretty surprised to b...e
asked a question like that. It made no sense to me. Finally I asked
her, "What do you think our boys fought for at Omaha Beach?" I haven't
seen much, so much blood and guts, so much suffering, much sacrifice.
For what? For freedom and equality. These are the values that give
America a great nation, one worth dying for.}

...now watch the video, open your mind and open your heart.
The story and video can be found here - - [link]


Wedding stuff.....

Photographer - Check
Wedding Hall - Check
Reception Hall - Check (same place)
Wedding Dress - Yes but with a story...

Jessy found her dress online, fell in love with the style, so she went to try on some of the designers other dresses to see if she liked the quality. She loved it and says it is extremely comfortable, so dress has been ordered.

Here is the kicker, there is a good chance that Jessy will be the only one in America to wear the dress. It is not an off the rack piece and as of yet only she has made an order for one, that to me would be majorly cool.

Other stuff.....

Sick with the flu, well flu sysptoms anyway. Being light headed and even dizzy at times really sucks ass. When I cough it feels like I only have one lung and have had no energy since this hit me.

First - Studio finally has electricity and door locks, now we have to get it ready for winter and start doing some fucking shooting.

Second - What a fuck nut - - would be nice to see it removed sometime this month. Gotten responses in a few hours on other stolen images in the last few days, mine not so much.

....what not...time to try to get some sleep and get the shit in my head OUT.

...went to my GI doctor on Thursday and he says my anemia is due to my Hiatal hernia and the ulcers caused by the hernia. It is nothing more than a vitamin issue now. I have added four more pills a day to my already full pill container. I have a damn rainbow going for breakfast and dinner!


YES I am very happy to have this news.

Now my computer went boom completely now, so I am online hit and miss until it is replaced.

Now it's time to head to bed