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May 16, 2010
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I really hate myself for this...

Journal Entry: Sun May 16, 2010, 10:10 PM



...but I miss her so much.













Tá grá i mo chroí go deo
The love in my heart is forever


  • Mood: Lonely
Skin by duhcoolies (modified by krash)
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:iconlubna64:
lubna64 Featured By Owner May 18, 2010
you don't have to hate yourself... why because you're a human beeing? because you have emotions... i don't get it...
my best friend is going thru this too right now and she told me, the only way for her to feel a little bit better is to avoid the loneliness, she really needs uplifting and so i'm here... She sleep at home when she doesn't have the kids ; my sofa is hers as long as she needs it!
and sorry for my bad english..
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:iconkrash:
krash Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
your English was fine and thank you.
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:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 17, 2010  Professional Photographer
Don't hate yourself for it. You can't help how you feel; the hurt, the anger, the confusion, all of it muddled into one giant ball of emotions. It will take some time to sort it out, to calm down, to come back to reality.

I'm here for you if you need to talk. I won't lecture you on looking at the positive because I know you already know that, and I also know how impossibly hard that can be.
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:iconkrash:
krash Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
After all I went through three years ago, getting past all of that, holding her while she balled her eyes out over Matt. I spent a good four months not knowing where I stood, finding out she slept with him one more time before finally moving on and then telling me she knew without a doubt I was the one, she knew she loved me and wanted to be with me forever....all that pain, all that work, tossed aside once again so she can fuck one of my friends...again.....I hate myself for missing her, loving her so much and just wanting it to be a bad dream, so I can wake up and have her by my side.
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:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
I know. You can't help but to miss them, even though you hate yourself for it. After everything that happened with Matt, I still missed him, wanted it to be a bad dream, wanted him to wake up and realize what was going on and try to fix it. After everything that happened, a part of me had still wanted him to come back, realize what he'd left behind, and want to get it back and make it work. Hell, I actually packed all his stuff into my car and almost drove to NYC just to get 'closure', until my parents talked me down and I realized how crazy I was being. Love does that to you.

I'm so sorry that this has happened and that you're going through this again. I remember the stuff that happened 3 years ago and the pain you went through then and I was shocked by it back then, too. I know that Amber loves you, but for that matter, I know that Matt still loves me. The past year and a half has been on ongoing struggle realizing that love isn't enough. You have to have loyalty and patience and a desire to work through any problem that arises. Sometimes we can't hold things together no matter how hard we try.

I know I'm rambling at this point. But know that you will get through this. You are strong, and amazing, and you will get your sanity back.
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:iconkrash:
krash Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
Yeah almost three years to the day actually.

I would still cut off a limb if this would stop. I am honestly done, if I were even able to find someone new that I could love as much as I love her, losing that love would kill me for sure, if this one doesn't in the end.

I know Amber has some issues with fear, she gets it from her Father and I could have and would have helped her work through anything.
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:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
I know you would have.

I'm around if you want to talk or just have some company. I thought about stopping by to see how you were doing, but wasn't sure if you'd want to see anyone or not.

:hug:
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:iconkrash:
krash Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
right now I am a mess, if I start talking about her or what happened I have a massive break down, it is not pretty. God I hate myself, I just wish she was home with me right now......ok...anyway, we need to plan a day to go to MoBot together and since you are Kara are now friends maybe all of three of us could go.

As it stands four of the four woman that I have this kind of love for are all out of my life. I have had many girlfriends, many people I still love, but only those four still have my heart to this day.
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:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 19, 2010  Professional Photographer
:hug:

Sure, a MOBOT trip sounds nice.
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