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Journal Entry: Sat Jul 3, 2010, 9:54 PM

...I am tired of being thrown down on the ground with the reverberating thud of emotional and physical pain...

..I am tired of loving with all I have, wanting nothing more in return than the simple soft subtle kiss of love being returned..

..I am tired of being hurt, abused, lied to, lied about, used, slapped, hit, and generally forgotten..

..I am tired of wanting to look into your eyes as I say this to myself, as my fingers make it appear before me, as I wish you were doing right now...

..I should hate you, not love you, not desire you, not cry over you, not feel you when you are not here, feel it when you are with another..

..I should be able to rip you from my heart, my mind, my now eternally damned soul..

This just came out of me, pretty much as you see it, just hit me and I typed it

In other news...

Nothing like coming home with the blood of a stranger on you.

On the way back from Red Bud we came across a car accident. Girl flipped her SUV in the air and landed a couple hundred feet from the side of the road. She was being pulled out by two people as we came up on the accident, we pulled over and I ran over to make sure she was OK, make sure 911 was being called and so on.

I was kneeling down talking ... See Moreto her, reminding her she could be seriously injured and not feel it yet, that she needed to stay where she was until EMT arrived and I gave her my water. She had her hands all cut up and bleeding so I ended up with some of her blood on me.

Tried calling her boyfriend for her, had to leave a message.

Just a strange way to end the afternoon, me running down the highway, across a field to a wrecked car and a bleeding girl.

The adrenaline rush has me ready for a nap now and I don't even want to think about how much I am going to hurt later from running. I had no idea if there was someone else in the car with her or how bad she was, if anyone there knew what to do with her if she was badly hurt and so on, so I was not going to just walk over to the wreck to save me from pain later.

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Submitted on
July 3, 2010