and it is me who is my enemy
me who beats me up
me who makes the monsters
me who strips my confidence
and it's me who's too weak
and it's me who's too shy
to ask for the thing i love
and it's me who's too weak
and it's me who's too shy
to ask for the thing i love
that i love
i am walking on the bridge
i am over the water
and i'm scared as hell
but i know there's something better
yes i know there's something
yes i know, i know, yes i know
5 brownie points if you know the song
Here you can feature whatever you want.
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
Sta.sh
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this journal 
Defeated 
How are you holding up?
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Gutter tell her what she has won! (another reference, movie this time).
Honestly, like shit, just hiding it better. I still break down everyday, sometimes out of the blue and sometimes it is a full on break down.
Six years and all the pain and effort I went through to 'save' what I was told she wanted. It's a lot to try to deal with having it all be a huge fucking joke to her and to have a friend of mine be the giant douche bag I never thought he could be. I still don't believe it sometimes and having to resort to removing her from my life in all aspects, that is something I fight with non stop, it's not what I want.
If you want to hang out or go on a photoshoot, just let me know. It was hotter than blazes this weekend, otherwise I would have gone to the Botanical Garden or Butterfly House. It's about time for a real photo trip.
I should have been going with Amber, I was really looking forward to having her at one of the most important days of my and my daughters life, something I wanted to really share with her and only her. Her not being there now is going to really hurt me. I am not going to be focusing on that of course, Jessy is more important to me than anyone else, including myself, but it is going to be eating at me until that day and the days after.
How long before I stop waking up and thinking this is a bad dream, that is what I want to know.
Do you need someone with you at the wedding or do you have anyone you're going with? I know you will be seeing friends and family all day but if you need someone to be there with you, to help you or be there for you, I'd be more than willing. I know nothing is more important to you than Jessy, especially on her wedding day, but I also know it will still be a painful day for you.
I had said something about Amber not being at the wedding and how I wanted to spend that day with someone I loved dearly, how much it meant for me to have Amber by my side that day. Kelly contacted Michelle and invited her to come down and basically take Amber's place for the wedding. Having her in town, let alone at the wedding with me is going to be wonderful. I have known her since High School and love her to death, even so not having Amber there is something I will never forgive her for, having her by my side for this was extremely important to me.
Healing from this for me is going to take a life time. She has no idea what she has done to me.
I know it will take a long time to heal, but it does get easier day by day.
I'm here for you if need me.